And Then - Don’t Send It
From page 91 in the 12 and 12;
“Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. This carries a top priority rating. When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgement can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year. [Or, from my experience - a whole decade]. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness.”
First Things First - I’ve been forcefully told that my ego and pride would f****** kill me! < That made me pay attention! Secondly - a booby trap is designed to kill or maim. That isn’t lost on me. Thirdly, my big mouth has had a tendency (lol) to get me in trouble for my entire life! (Many might want to make note especially in this day of the “blogosphere.”)
So, now I’m in recovery. I’m still an alcoholic. I restrain myself more than ever. Sometimes I even restrain myself to a point of silence. No, it isn’t silent scorn. It is a fear of pain. It was brought to my attention this weekend that there was an old lesson which would serve me well today. Write a letter, get it off my chest, get my feelings “out there.”
And then - don’t send it! Thanks Mike.
Tags: 10th-step, 11th-step, Recovery, sobrietyRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, The Tenth Step
5 opinions for And Then - Don’t Send It
Sober Chick
Oct 16, 2006 at 2:51 pm
Very freeing it sounds. Was given a similar messsage from a friend, funny that I come here and listen to your experience. Funny, I think not.
dAAve / higher powered
Oct 16, 2006 at 4:11 pm
I already included this “revelation” on my gratitude list this morning. It seems to be getting around today. LOL
Micky
Oct 18, 2006 at 1:44 am
Shift Shaping Reptiles
I checked out a site called 12 Step Serenity & was quite amazed at the number of programmes, there are. I have emailed a few of these sites (12 Step) & the responses I have received have been anything but cordial.
I have been accused of being evil, obsessive, sick & in need of psychiatric treatment (diatribe).
Not one Stepper (responses) told me how he/she felt - I imagine they (Steppers) were “triggered” & their automatic response was to “rage” over their fear, pain & shame.
The last thing a Stepper wants, is to feel his/her feelings (they might recover).I imagine that’s why they go to 12 Step meetings - to hear the other “droning” Steppers, their “brains” being shutdown (mantra) & become like zombies. The Stepper’s brain structure is completely altered (depending on, length of exposure) & they end up as “shift shaping reptiles” or Bill & Bob clones!!
I feel sad because these people (Steppers) are probably more dangerous than before 12 Step exposure. Going by the responses I received & the number of “sober” or “dry” Steppers there are in the world - I imagine there are quite a few “lunatics”, out there!! .
Peace Be With You
Micky
Al
Oct 19, 2006 at 8:01 am
Wow…
This really hit home with me today. I was in the middle of one of those silent scorn moments and just sent out an email to a loved one that I have debated sending out for days. After many revisions and a poll of three people in my program, I sent it. I’m at a point where I can’t often make the right decisions by myself when I am in a confused mental state, so I just do what others tell me. I can’t let my own self will and pride get in the way. It hasnt worked for 37 years, why would it start working now.
Mark
Oct 19, 2006 at 9:29 pm
Hi Al,
Good to see you! Please, keep stopping in :) Glad to have ya’!
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