Bring The Body And…
The Mind will follow?
What about -
The Heart?
Learning To Love Ourselves
“Alcoholism was a lonely business.” Funny, that’s about all I needed to read this morning. But it continues - “even though we were surrounded by people who loved us… We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others… We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.”
I’m going to find the “no-coincidence” in today’s reflection somehow! I am not emotionally okay today. I want to question the God I understand and ask him why it was necessary for me and my ex to communicate yesterday. It didn’t really accomplish anything.
“When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life - my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.”
I know today where that came from. Thank God for good, experienced, knowledgeable in recovery, therapists. The roots for this “issue” rest in my fathers’ ignoring me especially when I needed him the most. Would you like to know if my father was an alky? Well, if what he did after he started drinking was any clue, I think the answer is yes…
“It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor(s) and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.”
So, those crusty old bast***s said it again and again - “We’ll love you until you can love yourself.” Once again, I’m reminded: The gratitude lies in the fact that I am capable of loving today. I can extract myself from this negative, self-loathing bs! And when I see a certain someone tonight I can find happiness in the fact that I care and can feel the feelings my heart tells me I have, even though she has no clue at all.
[Graphic from Animated Graphic Hearts]
Tags: 12-Steps, family disease, loneliness, love, personal inventory, self-esteem
3 opinions for Bring The Body And…
Oliver G
Apr 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I always drank on relationships. We need to build up sober reference - experience of feeling the feelings and learning how to process them. I’m allowing myself to feel love for a woman I know, while at the same time trying to be completely willing to let her go - if that’s what my HP wants. Love of another brings pain for everyone because we know it is fleeting - and we don’t really have the power to do all the things we want for them. Attachment, that’s where the pain comes from. To love without selfish attachment, how good that would be….
Alicia Sparks, NAMI Affiliation Leader
Apr 26, 2008 at 5:17 pm
“We’ll love you until you can love yourself.” - Eerily, that sounds like what my mind set was back when I was trying to “save” an addict in my life. I wasn’t a sponsor; just so co-dependent I couldn’t breathe straight.
And when I see a certain someone tonight I can find happiness in the fact that I care and can feel the feelings my heart tells me I have, even though she has no clue at all. - Oooohlala! When are you going to let her in on the secret? ;)
Mark
Apr 26, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Hey Alicia :)
Thanks.
Well - to be serious - when she has some sobriety under her belt, so to speak. She’s a newcomer and to “offer” her anything right now to shift her focus from sobriety would be wrong, imho and the opinion of many others in addition to many experiences that say it wouldn’t be right to do it anytime soon.
LOL - someday I’ll find out, but the time simply isn’t right.
Patience…
Patience…
Patience…
Get the idea? ;)
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