I Swear I’m Going To Stop!
And I did swear off, hundreds of times.
I didn’t want to think that I was weak. After all, I’m a man. Men aren’t weak. “Just put your mind to it and you can do anything!”
Every time I “put my mind to it,” eventually, I drank again. Every single time. For me, today, I find no coincidence in the fact that only since I walked into AA have I been able to stay stopped. Self-help books didn’t work. Church didn’t work. Threats and ultimatums from friends, family and spouses didn’t work. As much as I hated myself and my existence and was able to angrily develop what I thought was a level of will power that would keep me away from drinking, I always reached that moment when I had to have another drink. Just one mind you, but I had to have it. And no amount of will power was going to keep me from it.
This is for beginners who may have the notion that a slip is either okay or required for recovery…
That notion could kill you graveyard dead!
Please, that notion is, at the very least, misinformation, and at its worst, an out and out lie that could kill you.
From The Big Book pg. 34;
“As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our own will power. If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.”
The longest I ever lasted was twelve weeks and they happened right before my first meeting.
A Sober, Clean Day To All,
Mark
Tags: 12-Steps, alcoholics-anonymous, gratitude, RecoveryRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, First Step
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