Optional? Optional???
I swear! I heard it at a meeting! Out of the mouth of - - a teenager! No, not a young person, someone with 17 years “sober.”
“I do the first three steps every day. The other nine? Well, they’ve become, well, they’ve almost become optional.”
Damnation!
There was a brand spanking new newcomer sitting there in his very first meeting! How the he** can people say such things???
If you’re a newcomer to recovery, please, please get a sponsor!
Of course, there are other things that are optional also, like eating and breathing and water. Cut out any of these and you’ll get exactly what believing the “other nine are optional” will get you - dead!
Oy Vey! Come on folks, those of you who’ve been here for a while. Put an end to your personal quest to somehow be more “profound” than the next person… pass it on the right way. PLEASE!!!
Tags: 12th-Step, 12th-tradition, 1st-step, 1st-Tradition, The-MessageRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, Reality
8 opinions for Optional? Optional???
Joe
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:57 am
I have found that most people in the fellowship fail to understand that the Steps are all inclusive rather than mutually exclusive. It is impossible to fully conceed to our innermost selves that we are powerless over our human condition and not seek guidance and direction from our personal source of ALL knowledge and Power.
I too, hear lot’s of irresponsible comments from people who still declare a power of choice by “Not drinking, one day at a time.” The big book is clear that if we are as alcoholic as they were we have lost the power of choice, we have but two alternatives; Seek spiritual help or go on to the bitter end blotting out our miserable existence the best we can..
As I continue to grow in understanding and effectiveness at my real purpose; to be of maximum service to God and my fellows, I find such peoplecan be approached in a tolerant way and gently guided back to reality.
The majority of people who seek my help in sponsorship anymore are from 5 years to 25 years sober! They have never got the point that this design for living is necessary for permanent sobriety. Alcohol was but a symptom, my human condition is hopeless without God’s help!
I started some facilitated step studies Mark, to show people, through my experience that the steps are all inclusive not mutually exclusive, when I am in 12, I am in 1 at every instance of agitation. I pause, look for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear, ask to have it removed, discuss with another, and turn my thoughts to another I can help.
There are many who will not be helped my friend but then our obligation is to TRY to carry the message! We have no right to spend too much time on anyone man; that would be to deprive another of their chance to survive and rediscover life.
Hang in there Brother!
Sherry
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:44 am
Yea, that worked for me, until it didn’t. And when it stopped working, I was sitting in “the meeting after the meeting” (Denny’s) with my fellows having some fellowship talking about my plan to drink again. Some of the responses that I got from them were that “It is because you are coming up on your 10 years”…. “It’s your daughter that is stressing you out”. I was thinking it through and “playing the tapes” and I thought to myself, I know where I will end up and I just don’t care!
You see, I had not had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps. I was not drinking one day at a time. My LIFE was miserable. I was talking with my fellows, going to meetings and praying the fox hole prayer “God help me”.
He placed a stranger (a real alcoholic) next to me at the table who understood what I was saying and proceeded to tell me his story of how he went back out after 10 years of sobriety with the thought that he could come back when he was ready. This man almost did not make it back to AA due to being in a coma. He was detoxed and rehabilitated and introduced to another man (real alcoholic) who took him through the steps right out of the book as it was done in the beginning and should be done today.
I was willing to try this because I had heard throughout my years that every Answer to every Problem that I have is in the Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous. Today I know that is true! You see, my problem is not drinking, my Problem is LIFE!!!
I have been fortunate enough to have been given this beautiful program straight from the book and as a result seek guidance from a Power Greater than Myself to solve my problems. In doing so, I now ask what would he have me be instead of what would he have me do because I am a Human Being not a Human Doing.
It is sad how much nonsense that we hear at meetings and today I know that part of my responsiblility is to continue to carry the message of the 12 steps with me wherever I go. Sometimes it sparks anger in others, but I have learned that in order to see my truth, I must see it in others first. The book tells me that Love and Tolerance are our codes. I must remember that when I become agitated at those who do not understand the difference between the program and the fellowship. Thanks for sharing your experience.
jomo
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I hope the word our sober friend was groping for is “suggested”, not “optional”. But it does not sound like it. Fortunately most newcomers arrive equipped with a B.S. filter, and they often do not hear the same baloney we do.
I had a friend who said he was working what he called a “six-pack” which consisted of Steps 1,2,3 plus Steps 10, 11, 12. I asked him what about the six steps in the middle and he said he would do them later. Unfortunately he ended up with a real six-pack and had to start over.
Half measures avail us half, right?
jomo
dAAve
Oct 12, 2007 at 6:26 pm
I’m wondering if that guy is a sponsor and if so, would he tell his sponsee(s) the same thing?
Mark
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Thanks Joe! I will continue to hang in there and do the best I can. I appreciate your stopping by a LOT!!!
Mark
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Sherry,
Your experience sounds very familiar - I know I’ve heard similar hundreds of times and it is a wonderful testimonial to the truth of recovery to “hear” it once again. Thank you so much also!
Mark
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Hey Jomo,
I’ve heard it said that if you fail to do a thorough fourth you’ll surely do a fifth :)
Thank you too :)
Mark
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Not sure dAAve…
For all - I approached the newcomer after the meeting and asked him if he’d heard what was said. He had. I spoke with him. Told him some of what I mentioned above… sadly though, he wasn’t back at the next meeting so we’ll see.
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