A Dozen Steps

May 9th, 2008

Walking Through Fear

I can relate to what is said in today’s reflection…

“If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”

It adds;

“When I had taken my Fifth Step, I became aware that all my defects of character stemmed from my need to feel secure and loved.”

And that’s where I identify!

Reading further, the message becomes - I ask for God’s help and somehow (?) I find myself, having decided to walk through my fear, helping someone else who is walking through their fear! In this reflection the fears are identical.

I’m finding it “funny” right now because all of a sudden I feel like it is my responsibility to help someone walk through their fear which, no doubt, will be the same as mine. Then, I’ll probably discover that I’ll “forget my fear and comfort her.”

Thus, a spiritual experience helps me to see how willingness was/is the “key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery.”

“God helps those who help themselves.”

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May 8th, 2008

5th Step Prayer

Very short and sweeeeet… from Silkworth.net;

5th STEP Prayer

God I thank you from the bottom of my heart that I know you better. Help me become aware of anything I have omitted discussing with another person. Help me to do what is necessary to walk a free man at last. AMEN

(p. 75 BB)

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May 7th, 2008

Dry Drunk - A Favored Phrase But What Does It Mean?

Direct from the upper reaches of the US of A, Minnesota;

Dry Drunk Syndrome

I’ll give ya’ a small portion…

Conditions;

• grandiosity
• judgmentalism
• intolerance
• impulsivity
• indecisiveness

Leading to the following:

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May 7th, 2008

The Fifth Step

“Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it?”

Don H. would tell us when he shared that “AA has changed. Used to be that you’d throw your problems out on the table in a meeting then you’d wait to hear the solution. Now, you throw your problems out on the table and then go out and have a cigarette. You don’t wait for the answer. I wouldn’t mind if you’d throw your problems out if you’d just tell me what you’re going to do about them!”

Lest you attempt to diminish Don - he died with 55 years sober and was a direct descendant of some of the first 100 members of AA - so, don’t. I had come to know and have a world of respect for him. He taught me a lot. I was not alone…

“We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path.”

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May 5th, 2008

Bragging Not Allowed!

This is probably for all you lion taming, white knucklers out there…

From the 12&12 of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55;

“So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this (talk to somebody), that many A.A.’s at first try to bypass Step Five. We search for an easier way - which usually consists of the general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our drinking behavior which our friends probably know about anyhow.”

You know, stuff exactly like what we did in those glorious gin mills we hung out in…

Somewhere along the way, early on, I more than likely did what many do - go one step further by bragging about their exploits when drinking! I’ve got to tell ya’ - we’re not impressed! Great drunk-a-logue! When do ya’ get sober???

Then, the current twist for a newcomer who isn’t working at changing - “went to a bar the other night and made it through the whole night and didn’t drink!”

We’re still not impressed!

Got a few meetings under your belt and now, out of nowhere, you have some kind of power over alcohol eh? Page 56 tells us more about you. It says: “Few muddled attitudes have caused us more trouble… They will tell how they tried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression.”

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May 5th, 2008

Activity Does Not Equal Action

I first heard it from Fr. Martin…

Many people mistake activity for action. I think Fr. Martin relates it somewhat like this: I have to do a Fifth Step. Admit it to God, to myself and another human being. Well, I’ll go to another meeting and share about it there. And then another meeting, and another, etc. Hopefully you’ll get the idea.

That’s not action, that’s activity!

It is my personal belief that the Fifth Step is where I discovered what a master of self-delusion I am. Not only is going to more meetings to avoid actually doing a Fifth Step not action, it is really a disguised form a self-appraisal and therefore, insufficient. Which is why we must pay attention to our basic text!

Page 72;

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May 4th, 2008

Nothing For Self-Congratulation

Returning to “The Language of the Heart” I found the only reference to the Fifth Step in that book from Bill W. on page 239.

Bill speaks of “Step Four and Step Five, dealing with self-survey and confession of one’s defects, have not been overly difficult, either.”

Well, good for you Bill… :)

He goes further;

“Of course, my self-analysis has frequently been faulty. Sometimes I’ve failed to share my defects with the right people; at other times, I’ve confessed their defects, rather than my own; and at still other times, my confession of defects has been more in the nature of loud complaints about my circumstances and my problems.”

Sure is good to find that Bill was human eh? (come on now, laugh)

“Nevertheless, I think I’ve usually been able to make a fairly thorough and searching job of finding and admitting my personal defects. So far as I know, there isn’t at this moment a single defect or current problem of mine which hasn’t been discussed with my close advisers. Yet this pretty well-ventilated condition is nothing for self-congratulation. Long ago I was lucky enough to see that I’d have to keep up my self-analysis or else blow my top completely.”

Now there is something I can surely identify with!

“Though driven by stark necessity, this continuous self-revelation - to myself and to others - was rough medicine to take. But years of repetition has made this job far easier.”

Thank God!

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May 3rd, 2008

Significant May Dates in A.A. History

Significant May Dates in A.A. History

from AA History Lovers at Yahoo! Groups;

May 1919 - Bill returns home from service.
(Dec 1934 to) May 1935 - Bill works with alcoholics, but fails to sober any of them. Lois reminds him HE is still sober.
March-May 1938 - Bill begins writing the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
May 1939 - Lois W Home Replacement Fund started at Alcoholic Foundation.
May 1949 - The first AA meetings in Scotland were held in Glasgow and Edinburgh.
May 1950 - Nell Wing became Bill W’s secretary.
May 1951 - Al-Anon is founded by Lois W. and Anne B.
May 1, 1939 - Bank forecloses on 182 Clinton Street. (sometimes reported as April 26, 1939)
May 1, 1940 - Rollie H, Cleveland Indians, first anonymity break on national level.
May 1, 1941 - The first Wisconsin AA meeting was held at a hotel in Milwaukee.
May 2, 1941 - Jacksonville, FL newspaper reported the start of an AA group in Jacksonville.
May 3, 1941 - The first AA group in New Orleans, Louisiana, was formed. (sometimes dated as May 2, 1943)
May 3, 1941 - Democrat Chronicle in Rochester, NY, reported first annual AA dinner at Seneca hotel with 60 attending.
May 4, 1940 - Sunday Star reported founding of first AA group in Washington, DC.
May 6, 1939 - Clarence S of Cleveland told Dr. Bob, his sponsor, he would not be back to Oxford Group meetings in Akron and would start an “AA” meeting in Cleveland.
May 6, 1946 - The long form of the “Twelve Traditions” was published in the AA Grapevine.
May 8, 1943 - Akron AA Group celebrates 8th anniversary with 500 present and sober.
May 8, 1971 - Bill W buried in private ceremony, East Dorset, Vermont.
May 10, 1939 - Clarence S announced to the Akron Oxford Group members that the Cleveland members were starting a meeting in Cleveland and calling it Alcoholics Anonymous.
May 11, 1935 - Bill W made calls from the Mayflower Hotel and was referred to Dr. Bob.
May 11, 1939 - first group to officially call itself Alcoholics Anonymous met at Abby G’s house in Cleveland. (some sources say the 18th)
May 12, 1935 @ 5 pm - Bill W met Doctor Bob at the home of Henrietta Seiberling.
May 15, 1961 - Bill W’s mother, Dr Emily Strobell, died.
May 16, 1941 - Ruth Hock finds that Joe W. (or V.), credited with coming up with the name Alcoholics Anonymous, has a “wet brain”.
May 17, 1942 - The Dayton Journal Herald published pictures of AA members wearing masks to protect their anonymity.
May 17, 1942 - New Haven, Conn paper has article on AA. Picture shows faces of members sitting in a circle.
May 18, 1950 - Dr. Bob tells Bill “I reckon we ought to be buried like other folks” after hearing that local AA’s want a huge memorial.
May 19, 2000 - Dr. Paul O., Big Book story “Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict” (renamed “Acceptance Was the Answer” in the 4th edition) died at the age of 83.
May 28, 1974 - The first World Service Meeting of AA outside North America was held in London.
May 29, 1980 - “Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers” was published.

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May 3rd, 2008

This… Isn’t… Easy

My challenge is that regardless of doing the right thing I cannot get my expectations up that the results will be what I want them to be.

Therein lies one of my realities. I can care about someone. The level at which I care can increase. I can recognize right from wrong. I can do the right thing not simply in my opinion but in the opinion of many trusted, experienced friends. And the results might not be, will probably not be, what I would want in my dreams.

Which brings me to aligning my will with God’s will.

“More often, though, we had met up with some major calamity, and to our way of thinking lost out because God deserted us. … Damn this faith business!”

It’s funny - I could write right here and now and tell you to your face, if you’re reading, I care about you. You wouldn’t even know it’s you. I could admit that I’m not going to give you any indication at all that I have feelings for you. Yet you may never know. If I were given the opportunity to tell you to your face it probably wouldn’t make any difference. I’ve gotten the perception already that you barely know I exist.

Because that is what my experience has taught me.

“We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate. This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay.”

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May 2nd, 2008

It Is Surely Life Or Death!

Alicia has posted a very serious and very helpful entry about “Suicide Warning Signs.”

This is one area where you darn well better do a Third Step after you’ve contacted authorities to let them know that your friend might be suicidal!

I’d much rather (and have been) feel grateful that my friend is still around to be PO’d at me for ratting them out than to be going to the funeral home for a viewing.

Of course, if you have a sponsor like I did he’ll spend the four hours you’re getting a psychiatric eval. out in the waiting room flirting with as many nurses as he can :)

And then, if you’re on that side of this mental twist, please, make sure you find the way to thank the friend who turned you in!

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