A Dozen Steps

Staying Teachable

by Mark on April 24th, 2007

It is my personal hope that I can continue to remain teachable in the light of continuous judgment, character assassination and perpetual anger and hate. Which is why today’s reading is an affirmation, to me…

Learning To Love Ourselves

“Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us…. We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent on others…. We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.” As Bill Sees It, pg 252

Ego-maniac with an inferiority complex.

This time, the person who has responded says “It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.”

Self-hatred and self-loathing are incredibly heavy burdens to carry, speaking from personal experience. When others try to add to the weight, it not only simply adds to the weight it doubles or triples if those who are doing the adding are loved ones. Why are they adding? Because we are on a merry-go-round of doing emotional harm to them. I.E. we bring it on ourselves. Therefore, as this respondent mentions “I drank to dull the emotional pain.”

It took many years for my emotional pain to gather, all the while never ebbing because of my drinking. Even after years in recovery (despite what some might say) I’m far from a finished product and that is just fine the way it is, for me. I have no need for perfection today. I’m happy with me personally. And, if you don’t like it, well, I guess you’ll stay on your merry bandwagon spewing endlessly won’t you? I don’t have to drink today - and that is the miracle! (once again, despite judgment to the contrary)

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POSTED IN: Alcoholics Anonymous Resources, Books for 12 Steppers