A Dozen Steps

Terminal Uniqueness

by Mark on June 24th, 2006

First Things First - I was told if I’d done something and it had a name, someone had done it before me. Therefore I was not unique!

So I moved further along into the Fifth Step (see “As Sick As Our Darkest Secrets”).

Beginning with pg 57 in the 12 and 12;

What are we likely to receive from Step 5?

1) “We shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we’ve always had.”

This paragraph speaks of two results of life’s difficulties I experienced. “Nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong.” I felt that way most of my life. “We were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.” This one got me three years sober when I was processing getting divorced. I processed that one very poorly, depending on how you look at it, I didn’t drink so perhaps I processed it okay. I was an emotional disaster, that’s the truth.

2) “The sense of belonging was tremendously exciting.”

It took some time but became true. “Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we still didn’t belong.” During this time of my life I spent hour upon hour talking with my sponsor, with oldtimers (both male and female btw) with friends (true friends) and a professional. Candor, complete candor, was the order of the day for months!

3) “It was the beginning of true kinship with man and God.”

The last sentence on pg. 57 but, for me, this was the time when this feeling began to take hold.

4) “We began to get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter what we had thought or done.”

I have to look back for this and am thankful I can look back today. This did not happen with any speed! It took a lot of time and happened ever so slowly. Because the paragraph speaks about “often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisors that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us” and because this was the time of my life when the most pain occurred, I can tell you from personal experience that finally, inescapably, I learned that she did what was exactly right for all concerned at the time. The Fifth Step was directly instrumental in my arriving there - “it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.”

5) “Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility.”

Here is where Step Five has been very instrumental in my unfolding life afterwards. Bill speaks here of humility: “it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.” Now, I know that every time I think I have humility, I don’t, but, I have a darn clear sense of who I am today. Who you ask? Try to figure this out - I am whoever I may be right now. Okay, I’m me! Free to be me…

I also work each day, despite the judgements of others to the contrary, to be the best me I can be today and I’m sincere about it. I don’t know who I’ll be when I grow up but I have an idea who I’d like to be…

This feels like a good time to cut this post short because I just began to re-focus on this as a direct result of talk of humility. To me it continues to be obvious that far too many talk of the Fifth Step and are FOS, my anger resurfaces (that meeting continued to receive long discussions outside that meeting) and therefore, I need to chill.

Didn’t mean to make this as personal as I have but, oh well, maybe a newcomer can see that if I can be this free to put this in front of the world, they are free enough to confide in their sponsor and - stay sober!

A Sober, Clean Day To All,

Mark

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POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, Heard At Meetings, The Fifth Step