The Dark Counterbalance
I did it, still do it on occasion. I see others doing it. There are even those who engage groups to do it.
I Am An Exception! I Am Different!
Taking today’s “Daily Reflections”
“During my drinking life I was convinced I was an exception. I thought I was beyond petty requirements and had the right to be excused.”
Separate myself from you. All of you! I’m special. I’m different. I deserve special treatment. Blah, blah, blah.
How many of you would like to say “EGO!” I would… The right to be excused? From what? The consequences of my actions, my lack of consideration, my lack of respect, my hard heart, the monetary results of my actions, my inaction and its results, your hurt feelings, my disgusting attitude. And about a bunch of other harms.
Aaah, but, God has a sense of humor, or a sense of balance, or a sense of retribution, something in God’s plan will work against me. He gave me a conscience. Although I drink my conscience into oblivion, I can’t drink my subconscious into oblivion. And it “shows” itself as a dark counterbalance to my insanity.
I develop and can no longer shake this constant feeling of - “I don’t belong.” I shouldn’t be a part of anything because I’m not worth it. Nobody wants me, and on and on…
A very dark “world” to live in, very dark.
“What a wonderful awakening for me it has been to realize that, if human beings were doing the best they could, then so was I! All of the pains, confusions and joys they feel are not exceptional, but part of my life, just as much as anybody’s.”
Shucks, I’m not unique anymore. But my world is bright and full of hope!
Tags: 11th-step, 2nd-step, 8th-step, 9th-step, honesty, truthRelated Stories
POSTED IN: The Ninth Step
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