The Disease Speaks
Irregardless that we have a crusty, angry oldtimer here who doesn’t believe that our disease “speaks” to us - I believe it. There were some other, more considerate, more compassionate, more understanding, oldtimers who taught me that there was one place, especially, that I ought to be on the watch for the disease speaking to me.
In Meetings!
Yep! Think about it… where else would this disease have the opportunity to speak loudly and be heard as well? For ex., has it been a long time for you since you’ve seen a wet drunk in a meeting who makes the attempt to kidnap the first half hour?
Those who’ve been here for a while have had the opportunity to listen to hundreds, if not thousands, of folks in varying stages of dryness (that’s right, dryness, not sobriety) explain to us exactly how everything works and what all the secrets of recovery really are. An example of this is - have you ever been in a meeting with, oh, 35 to 40 people or more and not once during the meeting have you heard a whimper, or a whine, or a bitch, or a complaint, or a pain, or some level of suffering? Amazing, isn’t it? An oldtimer taught me that someone, who for whatever reason, was sitting in that meeting and couldn’t tell on their disease. They were either silent or spoke well in order to “sound good.”
“Sounding Good” or being silent, will get me drunk!
Saying something because I just have to say something, saying something because my insides need attention, saying something so you’ll like me, saying nothing because I fear letting you in, saying nothing because I fear sounding stupid i.e. saying something or nothing based on self-centered motives;
Are all lying! I’m not being honest with myself or with you. Therefore, I stay in the dark and cannot receive the help I so desperately need.
The disease is speaking and it is saying “Your death is my glory!”
What is more unfortunate is that other newcomers are listening and they’ll be taking what they need and leaving the rest - without talking to their sponsor!
The disease knows that…
Tags: 12-Steps, alcoholics-anonymous, gratitude, RecoveryRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, Heard At Meetings
6 opinions for The Disease Speaks
manifest destiny
Jul 10, 2006 at 4:35 pm
FYI, there is no word ‘irregardless’. The word is regardless.
markw
Jul 10, 2006 at 10:27 pm
Well, thanks md, but I’m not trying for “formal” here.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Irregardless
“Although well attested, this term is generally seen as non-standard and may be taken as a mistake for regardless or irrespective. Consequently it may not be appropriate in formal contexts.”
Appreciate you stopping by…
Micky
Oct 17, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Cancerous Growth
I imagine AA to be a cancerous growth in our society. I’m a recovered alcoholic who has been sober 21 years. I’ve seen this “cult” virtually destroy people where they become these Bill & Bob zombies devoid of any emotion. I imagine most of the people are not dealing with their core issues and become addicted to the “droning Bill & Bob heads” who pop up and expel meaningless diatribe from their mouths. It’s the only “disease” you don’t recover from and you are continually confessing you non - existent sins, which just intensify the guilt and fear when you’re not at meetings.
I imagine, the meetings numb and shutdown the critical thinking section of ones brain. I know a guy who has been sober 30 years and I imagine him to be quite mad. He doesn’t like anyone running down AA and he goes to meetings telling people how he stayed sober, and he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling most of the time apart from feeling depressed.
I imagine AA to be the road to hell and that it’s anti - Christ and that the people sell their souls to the “cult”, because they are too terrified to face their demons and recover their true selves. That “inner child” who is waiting to be freed is slowly pushed down until it disappears into oblivion. That “child” is God! “Unless you become like little children….” “The kingdom of God is within you!”
I hear things like; “I need to do the Steps!” “I need more meetings!” “I had cancer or my wife died or I lost my job!” “But! Guess what! I didn’t pick up a drink”. They might as well say; “I went to the toilet, and I didn’t pick up a drink!” “Meaningless!” Why? Because they’re not expressing their feelings!
It’s all about feelings! How does one recover if you don’t feel your pain, fear, & shame and realise that those feelings, especially when they are overwhelming, are feelings from ones childhood.
All AA does is suppress these feelings until one ends up a semi - depressed zombie like the lunatic who has been sober for 30 years. Can you see how dangerous this “cult” is? A madman, Bill Wilson, started it and if you want to end up like him, keeps going to meetings. The sure way to insanity is “Meetings!” “Meetings!” “Meetings!”
A Dozen Steps » Ah Yes! The Imposition Of One’s Will
Oct 17, 2006 at 5:53 pm
[…] #2 - The Disease Speaks […]
Oliver
May 30, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Well Micky, it’s not my experience of AA. I’ve finally got a life, thanks to AA.
Mark
May 30, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Thanks Oliver for all your comments and your visit to this small part of the world :)
Sadly, Micky will pay no attention to you. He’s been sent to comment spam purgatory here - thankfully.
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