They Did “It” To Me! Oh - You Think So?
Don’t bet your life on it…
“Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake.”
Accurate and unsparing! Do you now know why the Fourth Step said “Searching and Fearless?” Oh, BTW - note it says the human wreckage we left behind. There are no mistakes. It is time to stand up and accept responsibility.
“To a degree, he has already done this when taking a moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways.”
I believe if you get real about this you already know that you hurt others. I knew it yet hadn’t really been able to focus on exactly how. I was about to become able to do just that. For ex. - the times I came home in the early hours of the morning and she had been sitting alone listening to the police sirens wondering if I had wrapped myself or others around a tree. I caused her emotional pain and I was wrong. Selfishly, I hadn’t given it any consideration. I was wrapped up in me.
“This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantage of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.”
I can’t say that was exactly what happened for me as anyone who has been reading would know but I can say that the advantages that have eventually revealed themselves are worth it - specifically that the obsession is gone.
Forgiveness. A tough subject in the beginning. Forgiveness is about to be brought into the light for us. Yet we’ll sometimes still be urged by old, inbred behavior, to revert back. That also lessens.
“These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he/she has done us. This is especially true if he/she has, in fact, behaved badly at all. Triumphantly we seize upon his/her misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.”
And, if you insist on this focus, you’ll continue to have a deep challenge with sobriety! This is not humble!
Tags: 8th-step, emotional wounds, partnerships, relationships, sobrietyRelated Stories
POSTED IN: The Eighth Step
1 opinion for They Did “It” To Me! Oh - You Think So?
Linda
Aug 5, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Research time again. I began to identify the damage I caused. It did not matter whether I caused the damage because I was in rage, carelessness or fear. It did not matter (my old sponsor) used to tell me if the damage was based on selfishness, arrogance or dishonesty. All the damage is material for the 8th step. By the time the 8th came into the picture I was exhausted. I inventoried my behavior in the fourth step, I took all my character defects in step six and now once again I have to look and examine them from another angle. (my old sponsor) told me the 8th step was a process that would allow me to feel equal to others. Now that was a joke to me. But today I do not have to avoid anyone. I do not live in fear that I will be punished for some neglected responsibility. I am free. Hey Mark thanks for a great conversation. I hope it does not sound to much like New York City.
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