A Dozen Steps

Tormenting Ghosts

by Mark on May 12th, 2008

“The need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever.”

Thank God Rick T. taught me one of life’s simple realities I had not learned, for whatever reason. He made the simple statement that each one of us has our own perception of reality. That your perception of reality and my perception of reality often would not match.

Since God graced me with sobriety I have been given many additional gifts. One of them is that my perception of reality has equality as its foundation. There are times when this gift turns to frustration and then I have control issues…

For ex., when “we” lay claim to the profundity that the newcomer in a meeting is the most important person in the room. That simply isn’t true. Not in my God’s eyes, nor ought it be in my eyes. Every single child of God is equally as important.

Another example is when someone with “forever” time sober, who, for whatever reason, is on a “mission” to inform recovery people of the history of Alcoholics Anonymous and its successes through the power of God - this person seems to believe they ought to be allowed special privileges that none other has. And when they don’t receive those privileges, they should be believed when they blame others for not allowing those privileges. That simply isn’t true either. (Please don’t mistake this - in no way, shape or form do I wish to diminish the “mission” this person has!)

But, we each have our own perception of reality. I cannot profess to understand why this person feels they ought to be placed above, thereby separated, from the rest of us. I do understand that we alcoholics have that tendency to separate ourselves from others. I surely do it. What I can understand is my propensity to take things personally. So, when that person says, publicly, they have avoided this site for what they proclaim to be some slight towards them, I become defensive.

I take a look at what they said again and again. I know what I have done and I know what they attempted to do. I see how they twist things to meet their needs - “supposed promotion and commentaries.” There was nothing at all “supposed” about it! But, that is my perception. They were too busy to notice emails or return phone calls. They are, after all, on a “mission.” They’re important… But, that is my perception.

Therefore, without communication, which I attempted in order to clear things up and come to a reasonable agreement as folks with the same end result as our motive, I find myself making decisions based only on what I have at hand. What I have at hand is nothing more than what I see as a promotional essay selling your book(s) that you want posted on this Blog without seeking approval. Your comment is not approved. The b5media network which owns this Blog offers advertising space for those who seek it and are willing to pay for it. If it were my personal Blog (and I own a few) the decision would be the same simply because I don’t go to the effort I do for you to gain free advertising for your new books through your commentary unless you and I have a prior agreement. It’s called respect.

I’m reminded of at least a couple of principles.

From page 53 in AA’s 12&12: “Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.” and, from pages 180-181: “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion… Considering this explosive factor, we knew we had to exercise self-restraint.”

[There are no coincidences. I struggled with this yesterday and this morning char made a comment on exactly the post I needed to re-read! Thanks char!]

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POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope, Personal, Reality