A Dozen Steps

Triumphantly We Seize Upon Misbehavior!

by Mark on August 25th, 2007

This is for my friend Tony…

Sober, recovered, recovering, in recovery, dry, quality dry, simply not drinking, are all, each and every one, overshadowed by one simple fact - we’re human! The God that I understand made us fallible and we make mistakes. With a program of recovery to work with, we use invaluable tools to make amends and change, thereby living life on an extremely better plane than we had.

One mistake we often make is to react. Gosh - an All-Star professional baseball player hits .300 and makes $20 million/yr. What are we to expect of ourselves? Perfection? I doubt it.

I think you reacted to an uncalled for judgment from someone who is no more qualified to make a judgment than the “Man in the Moon.” He said “Shame on you!” For what? Delivering a monthly membership roster of your group?

Actually what was done by this individual was an attempt to be a “hero” to a pretty young female member of AA. I could just as easily make the judgment that what this person did had a personal agenda underneath it (read between the lines).

Yet, to say “Shame on you” is a blatant attempt to not only pass judgment but to hurt you emotionally. Here, my humanity jumps up and says “Hello.” You are my friend and this “fool” tried to hurt you. I want to exact revenge. To do so would be to engage in the exact same behavior as this other person. Thank God for sponsorship! I have been reminded by my AA sponsor, from unapproved AA literature - the Bible - that “revenge is mine, saith the Lord.” I.E, Third Step it…

If we look at the current, monthly (?) Step, the Eighth Step, on pages 77-78, we find a discussion about an “accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage ‘he’ has left in ‘his’ wake” and a “reopening of emotional wounds” which is designed to help us learn “to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brotherhood with all men and women.” The talk mentions the advantages of this despite the associated pain which melts away one obstacle after another.

The next paragraph speaks of one of the most difficult obstacles - forgiveness. And I propose that the individual who spewed on you something that was made up in his own mind, hasn’t learned this, therefore isn’t as smart about the Steps as he professes to be! Why? Because of what follows - “The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is especially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all.”

You did nothing wrong to begin with when you sent out the membership roster because you and your group do that every month. Yet, because of another “situation” a self-proclaimed “guru” spewed hurt on you, which is in total accord with what it says next in our literature - “Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.” Unfortunately for this other person, he twisted a membership roster into something completely unrelated, engaged in character assassination and an attempt at emotional harm towards you, you reacted in your humanity. Now you’ve made your amends. Your side of the street is clean. It is now time for this other person to clean up his side!

If he doesn’t, it isn’t your problem. And I say: WTG!!! Good for you for working a wonderful program of recovery!

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POSTED IN: Courage To Change