We Understand - You Want It Your Way
Perhaps I might sub-title this one “What step are you on?”
I was 5 months away from my last drink (thru today) and still angry as he**. Of course, I was still pretty smart too, ya’ know? The anger tore at my insides though, so I went to Fr. Tom and asked him why I was still so angry. First word - First Step, I’d learned to ask for help.
This is simply my personal experience. I’d been going to one meeting a week, at a group that had that sign posted on the basement wall “One meeting a week makes one weak.” Hey. What did I know? I thought I was doing something about my alcoholism, rank greenpea that I was.
Sponsor? Naaah, Ill get around to it if I decide to stick around. I’m not drinking. Isn’t that good enough for you?
So I ask Fr. Tom the question “How come I’m still so angry?” I thought I’d get an answer I could understand, you know, something practical? Fr. Tom began by asking me a question. He said “How many meetings are you making?” All proud and cocky, I answered “I’m making a meeting every week!” Fr. Tom followed that answer with another question - “Do you have a sponsor?” As I was beginning to offer my rationalization after I said “No” he cut me off. “So, one meeting a week and no sponsor? You’re still angry because you’re not working a program of recovery. Get a sponsor and start making meetings!” And he pi**ed me off. That surely wasn’t the answer… :)
But I’d found something. I wasn’t certain about it, but somehow I knew. The next Saturday, at Blue Point, I asked Matt M. to be my sponsor. He answered with a stare and a snide remark: “Yeah - I know you, you’re the guy who shows up for the 7 pm meeting at 7 pm and leaves right after the meeting ends.” Well, you miserable oldtimer! Who the f do you think you are??? Let me tell you something, he said, “There’s a meeting before the meeting and a meeting after the meeting. Start showing up early and stay after.” Damn… “You got a Twelve and Twelve?”
And that’s where my personal journey with our Twelve Steps began.
I’m not here to attempt to out intellectualize newcomers though I imagine it will never end that newcomers will attempt to out intellectualize those who’ve been around for some time. What I know without doubt is my experience and you, newcomer, cannot remove that from me as much as you might try. So, Mr. Nicely, you’re not very nice but that’s to be understood based on how long you’ve had the opportunity to practice these principles in all your affairs. What step are you on?
[As for you Micky/David/Patrick - you are about to be reported for harassment to your ISP. I know who provides your Internet service and how to contact them by phone. Continue with your name-calling and I will do whatever it takes to gather the forces here at b5 to have your connection ended. You have also been reported as a spammer to Akismet a few hundred times over. That is another option and I will begin to gather my Blogger buddies’ reports in order to make it known that you are a spammer that needs to be stopped. Your hateful, hurtful, harassment is about to end. And no, you are not the Holy One of God! Idiot…]
Tags: 1st-step, aa, AA-big-book, alcoholics-anonymous, the-promisesRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Experience, Strength and Hope
13 opinions for We Understand - You Want It Your Way
dAAve
Mar 12, 2008 at 9:19 am
Sponsor? Naaah, Ill get around to it if I decide to stick around. I’m not drinking. Isn’t that good enough for you?
I thought the same way until 6 months into the program. Glad I changed my mind.
Paul Nicely
Mar 12, 2008 at 6:57 pm
lol, Regardless of what you say you’ll never convince me I not nice! I will just turn the other cheek.
But on a more serious note:
before I read your peice I was able to talk to a “normal” person who said; an argument is something you can’t win. No matter how hard I try to open a discussion on the subject(any subject really) I will never be able to tell the old farts anything.
I’m 40 and started drinking when I was 3yrs old. My parents were politicions and had parties all the time. My first black-out was at 8 yrs old with wine from the wine cellar. I progressed to drinking things from right out of “A Clockwork Orange” when attending Cornell.
I been hospitalized more time you can count on your hand and never-heard of AA! I know it is hard to believe….lol I can’t believe it myself.
$$$$I did an IOP once for cocain through my employer(i know they mentioned NA- but I could do it on my own-not “I see now”)
I maybe just in the wrong group/sponcer set-up….not to sure. I did 260 meeting in 90 days in buffalo but had to move to a nearby town.
I keep asking my sponce to sit down with me and read, but he says just wait awhile.
Step one ‘the gift” = really just amazing! I still am so strong when I think about it.
Not being a very good slacker… I best decribe 2 and three as me on the beach with spiritual wave washing over me.
three weeks ago I took it apon myself to cut the crap out and meditate like my spiritual adviser Ram had tauhgt me @ 100%
At some point around three days into it the tidal-wave came and I basked in it for some time.
And there was an urge from nowhere to go to step 4. That is when the light came to me! Because I was looking at other people all the time
I never looked at myself. I don’t know if it makes sense but my whole being need to change. Everything about me/ every heartbeat.
I called my sponcer right away and he said: don’t worry just take it easy and we will get to it.
:) It is okay! Really! I have more joy in myself I can’t explain it! I today realize that it is mine and for the good. I just wished I could share it with the fellowship. It’s not going away! This I know. But I think I understand how Bill felt when he describes the (need,importance,very essence of) getting to a drunk with the desease and talking with him and sharing.
Paul Nicely
Mar 12, 2008 at 7:14 pm
What is that sprouting out of the ground?
It’s hard to see among all us tall trees
Is it hiding in our shade!?
HeHeHe look It’s calling to us, What? Speak-up silly
little thing.
I’m your seed, I’m your seed…..
Mary Christine
Mar 12, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Thank you Mark. Let me know if you need anything from me. MC
Mark
Mar 12, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Paul,
You are waaaaay tooooo smart for me - I defer to your magnificence.
Page 84 - And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol.”
Page 103 - “We have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!”
I’ll wait for your book…
Mark
Mar 12, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Mary Christine,
Despite what I just sarcastically said to Paul, I am willing to go further with Micky. I have taken screen shots of his latest spewage here (which will now always go into either moderation or spam) along with screen shots from many others’ Blogs including JJ’s but not yours (I think you deleted most of them).
I have his ISP’s address and what I may do, once I have enough, is print them all out and send them to his ISP along with his computer’s IP address, name, etc.
I also still have the option of engaging the good folks here at b5 which include many who are familiar with these types of processes to shut down lunatics like Micky/Patrick/David.
Thanks,
Mark
Paul Nicely
Mar 12, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Edited - my Blog and you just aren’t in control here…
If you want to continue to exhibit your insanity trust this - I will catch up to you and delete you unless you make the effort to grow up or obtain mental assistance.
Yours Truly,
Mark W.
Mary Christine
Mar 13, 2008 at 7:21 am
Gee, you have more than one front to a war, don’t you? I am sorry.
If you need more ammo to Silence the Lambs, go to http://coffeebitch.blogspot.com
Paul Nicely
Mar 13, 2008 at 7:57 am
lmfao!
God working through me is in control, trust that. As far as threats, threaten me as much as you want. It’s your blog, do whatever you want.
You ought to grow up yourself and be a man, own up to the facts that you need to delete because you can’t handle the truth.
Personally I think you need mental help with taking things way to seriously.
Yours Truely,
Paul
Mark
Mar 13, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Actually MC, if they’re talking about me they’re leaving someone else alone…
Additionally, and I know you know this, I’ll give them enough rope. They’ll either hang themselves or, if they talk long enough, come up with their own answers.
Paul, its called staying on topic and that poem you posted had nothing to do with the conversation, you had your own motive beneath it, I saw that, it was deleted. Obviously old behavior also…
I repeat, grow up or get help. The Big Book doesn’t list you as the author, especially not after 6 months.
Mark
Mar 13, 2008 at 12:25 pm
OMG MC!!! 87 spam comments of his own in one sitting!!!!! Unbelievable… These screen shots will take a few minutes. :)
Makes me feel like Google ought to be first on the list eh? Get his Blog disabled.
Mark
Mar 13, 2008 at 12:52 pm
My mistake - it wasn’t one sitting, it was three. He actually took time off to eat and sleep lmao…
MICKY!!! If you truly were the holy one of God you wouldn’t need to sleep or eat! Sooooo - you’re a liar therefore you aren’t what you say you are, you are rather, what you say we are!!!
Paul Nicely
Mar 13, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Sorry Mark, Once again AA came through: this too shall pass….. I want to appoligize a million times but it would probably flood this server. I understand more about the slogans and believe them and in them.
I spoke with my sponcer and he suggested I slow down once again and try to practice step three for say a month and then we could try step four together.
I know in my heart though (I will follow him 100% for sure) but if I didn’t take (or start step 4) I would have drank or really hurt someone. I really was spooing crap out of my mouth with almost ever word. Thank God and AA for I am now found and able to go to another meeting tomarrow.
Sincerly, Paul
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