What Do You Tell Your Gut When It Goes “Oh Sh**!”
“Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there.”
Just my personal opinion now - if I’m afforded the luxury of having time to think, even momentarily, at what appears fearful, it is one thing. On the other hand, if I have no opportunity to consider, am taken completely by surprise instantly, it is an entirely different situation.
It happened over ten years ago. My youngest son was coming to stay with me for the summer. We had had our conversations and had made arrangements. Unknown to me because it happened while he was on the road traveling to meet me, there was a change in the bus schedule and he wasn’t being dropped off where we originally had planned.
I hadn’t heard my ex-wife’s voice in quite some time. Strangely enough, I answered the phone at work prior to leaving to pick him up. I rarely answered the phone as I had folks who did it as part of their job. This is one of the multitude of moments where I’m willing to say that God has a weird sense of humor.
Of course, it was her, the dreaded mother of my children!!! At the sound of her voice, I’ll never forget it, a feeling swept over me. My fingertips and my toes (and a few other places) began to feel like I had frost bite. Within seconds they were burning with a sensation I’d never felt before nor since.
Fear hadn’t done that to me prior to that moment.
I won’t get into why it was fear, I’ll leave that to your imagination. My feelings about it are that my sponsor, Rick, was right on point on the day he told me that the emotional wreckage of the divorce had traumatized me.
Today I am truly blessed. The Twelve Steps have, in addition to helping me stay away from a drink of alcohol, returned me emotionally to the person I believe my God wanted me to be. But I am wary and aware constantly. On guard for the unguarded moment.
[This entry influenced by today’s Daily Reflection, John’s comment and John’s post]
Tags: emotional sobriety, faith, fear, soul-sicknessRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Reality, The Fourth Step
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